IGNORANT PEOPLE SUCK!!

WARNING: I AM ABOUT TO START RANTING, DO NOT CONTINUE READING THIS POST IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ME BLOWING OFF SOME STEAM!

I am find that the concept of infertility and surrogacy are very foreign to many people. Sometimes even people who I think should know better say such ignorant and hurtful things. I wish I didn't have to constantly explain (and/or defend) our situation.  Take for example today, I had to go to Nate's office for a health screening and I met some of his co-workers and their wives.  So the conversation went something like this: 

Co-workers wife (let's call her Sara): So, I hear you guys are expecting twins. Congratulations!

Me: Yes, we are very excited.

Sara: When are they due?     

Me: November 22nd.  

Sara: Oh, really? (She looks confused - okay, she doesn't know the situation as Nate hasn't shared this part with many people at his work and clearly I don't look 6 months pregnant with twins.)

Me:  We have a surrogate.

Sara: Oh, that's great! You are so lucky! You get to skip all the bad stuff! You don't have to get stretch marks, or gain weight or worry about being so exhausted after giving birth that you can't even take care of your baby.  That's how I was after I had my kids.

Me: Well, I don't know about that, it's not by choice. (Okay, now I'm trying not to act outwardly annoyed as I have heard this crap so many times in the past few months when I tell other women about our situation.)

Sara: Well, I just had such terrible pregnancies.  I was nauseous all the time, your lucky you don't have to go through all that.  

Me: I guess that's one way to look at it. (I quickly change the subject, because I no longer want to have this discussion).

I guess it is hard for someone who has never gone through infertility to understand how bad it sucks not to be able to carry your own child!! Other women say how lucky I am, how this is the "best case scenario", but I don't feel very lucky.  I don't feel lucky that it took us almost 4 years, 9 IVF cycles, 3 surgeries, hundreds of shots and another woman's uterus to get where we are today. I don't feel lucky that I will never be able to know what it feels like to have my babies grow inside me. I don't feel lucky to know that another woman gets to feel them kick or that when they are born, it is her voice that they will know.  I don't feel lucky to know that most likely these are the only babies that we will ever have and that I can never again surprise my husband with "we're pregnant".  I would throw up a hundred times a day, gain 100 lbs, and be sleep deprived for the next 10 years if I could be pregnant.  I would give anything to be able to carry my own child.  So, no, I don't feel lucky and other women should know better than to say something so ignorant and hurtful.